Best sickie excuses

[habo9]

I decided yesterday when I woke up I wasnt going to work , it was cold , dark & raining so I called up and said I was coming down with the flu maybe it could be swine flu , so it got me thinking what are the most outragous & bizarre excuses you have used to get a sick day off work?

:hatsoff:

 

[jasonk282]

I told my boss I had anal seepage, i got 3 days off work and he never asked for a dr note or anything.

 

[habo9]

I told my boss I had anal seepage, i got 3 days off work and he never asked for a dr note or anything.

Yuck!!!! Funny though :hatsoff:

 

[jasonk282]

^ he said "I reeally don;t need to hear that, take all the time off you need" i have a nice 6 day weekend.

 

[habo9]

LOL I would have been the same , as your boss

 

[GregCentauro]

"Something went seriously wrong when I was masturbating with the vacuum cleaner."

 

[lechepicha]

my cum just went into my nose, so i almost died from Asphyxia

 

[STDiva]

I called in sick one year because the Redwings were eliminated from the playoffs.

 

[BlueBalls]

"Hello Bill"
"Yes"
"Hey, yeah. Erm . . . it's Steve I'm not going to be able to make it in today. Sorry."
"I'm very sorry to hear that, Why?"
"Well, yeah I picked up this woman on Friday at the pub, remember that red head, her and yeah, to cut a long story short she stole my kidney."
"What!?"
"She stole my kidney. We guess she wasn't alone, I doubt anyone could do it by themselves but she's the only person I saw . . . so what can you do?"
"Is this a joke?"
"No, no. I'm in the hospital now"
"I-I don't know what to say."
"No that's okay, I was pretty surprised myself when I woke up naked in that bathtub full of ice"
"No you're joking me around right?"
"No, seriously. [laughs] It was definitely a scary moment"
" . . . I'll bet it was"
"Yeah . . . but anyway, the doctors say I have to rest up just incase an infection sets in. It appears they used a bread knife to cut it out of me. I'm in a lot of pain right now. But the drugs they've given me seem to be working"
"That's just . . . terrible . . . I'm speechless"
"Yeah [laughs] so was I for about an hour. Thank god that policeman heard my screams, Hyde Park isn't the best place to be wandering naked at 3am"
"How did you get out?"
"What do you mean? Through the front door of course"
"Oh"
"Yeah"
". . . . . . Well . . . er, I'm sorry to hear of your predicament Steve but we just don't have the staff to cover you today. John and Mark are both out with colds. So unfortunately you are going to have to come in and as you're already late I am going to have to dock your pay. Sorry. "
"but Bill, I can't leave the hospital!!!"
"I'm sorry, you just can't have the days off without any previous notice"
"Previous notice, previous notice!!! What the hell Bill, I've only got one kidney!"
"And I feel sorry for you, but I just cant do it, I'll see you in an hour or two. Remember every hour you're away the more I dock you."

[Hangs Up]

"Damn!"

 

[Hot Mega]

Something's wrong with my eyes because I can't see coming into work anymore.:dunno:

(Of course this is after you hit the lottery.)

 

[JacknCoke]

Well my fathers friend got out of school because he had "Buck Fever" he even provided a note from his parents says he had it and they must have seen fever and just let it slide.

For all of those that don't hunt: Buck fever is when you are so pumped to go hunting that you forget about everything else in the world. (you also shake so bad you can not hit the broad side of a barn if you tried)

 

[jasonk282]

Well my fathers friend got out of school because he had "Buck Fever" he even provided a note from his parents says he had it and they must have seen fever and just let it slide.

For all of those that don't hunt: Buck fever is when you are so pumped to go hunting that you forget about everything else in the world. (you also shake so bad you can not hit the broad side of a barn if you tried)

I get that ever monday after Thanksgiving. I have Tom fever, it start here on Saturday.

 

[busenbust]

Jerking off to Chessie Moore :nanner:

 

[Alyssa Rose]

So my excuses have always been pretty generic, never got to out of control with them but I do have a couple funny stories about ditching and how I got my excuses, like one time I ditched school but our home phone was disconnected because my mom was switching from Verizon to Time Warner and so I knew the school couldn't get through to my mom (At least not for a couple days because in my school they would call home until they got someone or until a note from the parent or DR was turned in) so I went about my day and had fun hanging out with some friends then before I was due to work I stopped by the ER and complained of nausea and stomach pains, they gave me meds, fluids AND a note for school (which I also used for work that same night) so yeah. That was pretty cool. Another time my friend and I were getting ready for work together (we worked at a movie theater and it was opening day for Harry Potter so it was going to be PACKED) and we were getting dressed and I was like I so don't want to go to work today, and she was like ugh me either so we just looked at each other and smiled. I called in first and told my boss I was extremely sick and couldn't make it and she called 20 minutes later and said that her car overheated and she was more than 2 hours from work so she wouldn't be able to come in. Well after she hung up we jumped in the car and just started driving, 2 hours later we ended up in front of Disneyland, so we said what the hell and went to Disneyland. The best part? The park was like empty! We road splash mountain like 20 times in a row! It was awesome we took pictures and sent them to our friends phone that was actually at work and he was like you guys freaking suck. It was great & my mom never found out until I told her like 3 months ago lol

 

[Paulo2221]

I hate ringing in sick i can always hear in the tone of there voice that they dont beleive me, ! I love bringing in a doctors note cus ter aint nothing they can do when you have that :thumbsup:

 

[Elwood70]

I skipped an entire semester in high school,and when I went back I gave a one-word excuse:

Rehab.

I went back for about a week,skipped the rest of semester #2,and went back in time for finals.

My excuse?

Relapse.

 

[Facetious]

''Somebody stole the tap to the keg, I can't find my blow and I have 2 girls waiting in my bed !!!'' :hammer:
(Of course it's 10 AM the next day !)

 

[mrtrebus]

I can't come to work today because I have become gay. :dunno:

 

[tartanterrier]

Or I can't go to work today because i've worked too hard recently and
I need a rest

 

[mrtrebus]

When my manager phones me up to ask why I am not at work I simply say he is confused & that I am at work. Despite anything he said to me I would continue to insist that I AM at work & tell him to stop being silly & let me get on with my job!