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Death-Star Masturbators
- Thread starter GabberMan
- Start date
The Paulinator
Spreading the seed
Let's see....3 shifts, one on, one off, one on standby.
72% of off shift sleeping,
15% of standby and off-duty eating,
6% undergoing some sort of training,
8% at USO shows and watching movies,
14% resting after having already masturbated,
2% having actual intercourse with a real live girl....
I would say 4.1% of the entire Death Star population are masturbating at any given time.
Well there is also that guy in laundry services who took a vow to never masturbate again.
What was the general population again?
72% of off shift sleeping,
15% of standby and off-duty eating,
6% undergoing some sort of training,
8% at USO shows and watching movies,
14% resting after having already masturbated,
2% having actual intercourse with a real live girl....
I would say 4.1% of the entire Death Star population are masturbating at any given time.
Well there is also that guy in laundry services who took a vow to never masturbate again.
What was the general population again?
lurkingdirk
I'm too lazy to set a usertitle.
dude, you think too much about this shit. i mean, your logic is good, but you're a total dork.
(said the dork who just read everything you said and commented because he thought you were clever.)
The Paulinator
Spreading the seed
It cracked me up that, not only did he wonder who was wanking on the Death Star at any given moment, but his curiousity drove him to seek the answer to his dilemma. I was just trying to help out. For the sake of time and bandwidth, I neglected to go into the sleep-touchers, and the on-duty taking "smoke breaks" (heh heh, if there's smoke, you need to ease the pace). This is what a $720 statistics class has wrought me.
lurkingdirk
I'm too lazy to set a usertitle.
i was unfortunately having a beer when i was reading this, and i lost some through my nose when i read
"sleep touchers"
i know, i'm about 11 years old, right? but that's funny man. let's think more about this. what about the death-star administrators and their interns? those with cigars?
The Paulinator
Spreading the seed
Administrators amd moderators always have "real intercourse with a live girl" They have no cause to wrangle the lizard. Cigars don't really have huge libido, but for the sake of argument, we'll say that 3% of all cigars on the Death Star are masturbating at any given moment.
If the architects had factored this in, a defence method could have been constructed using recycled ding-dong droppings. A three-metre exhaust portal could easily be covered with the oysters dumped by 20 million men over a two-year period. Though the porting exhaust may cause an enormous "bubbling effect" which would possibly be a vulnerability and would definitely sting, were it to find its way into any open cuts. And it would definitely attract space bugs.
If the architects had factored this in, a defence method could have been constructed using recycled ding-dong droppings. A three-metre exhaust portal could easily be covered with the oysters dumped by 20 million men over a two-year period. Though the porting exhaust may cause an enormous "bubbling effect" which would possibly be a vulnerability and would definitely sting, were it to find its way into any open cuts. And it would definitely attract space bugs.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
The answer is 0. The Death Star isn't real, soooo...
bustybbwlover
I'm so great I'm jelous of myself.
chefchitown apparently doesn't go in for the hypotheticals 
i know i wouldn't could you imagine vader walking in on you in the middle? i wouldn't want to be choked to death for spanking the meat i'd just let it go natural and have wet dreams
i know i wouldn't could you imagine vader walking in on you in the middle? i wouldn't want to be choked to death for spanking the meat i'd just let it go natural and have wet dreams
Agreed. Arguing semantics.. arguing hypotheticals.. discussing fantasy worlds in a real debate.. massive, epic, universal FAIL.
A death star-sized fail.
You also have to figure that the overwhelming majority of personnel on the Death Star were probably mindless clones or solders that went through brainwashing to make them near automatons so it wouldn't happen with them. Only a relatively small percentage of people on it were military officers or support staff that fixed things among other stuff that the troopers couldn’t do.
Yeah, but it's not a serious debate. :1orglaugh
Yeah, but it's not a serious debate. :1orglaugh
The fact that you made a semi-serious response BEFORE saying it's not a serious debate.. means there is SERIOUSLY something dorky in a bad way about this topic.
I mean.. I almost want to call myself out for personally making the Luke Skywalker Vs. Superman topic.. but that's actually a personal and ethical choice. I'm not asking who would win in a wank-off session, or even assume that comic book characters jerk it between those *sleep panels* where it's all black with 'ZZZZ...' word bubble.
Talk death star? Sure.
Talk wanking? yes.
Mix? Not so much, no.
Is that similar to how people aren't supposed to bring up where the bathroom is located on the Millennium Falcon or the Star Ship Enterprise because people never see them? In fact in almost any piece of fiction out there people never seem to have to take a crap.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Yes, IT IS!!! :cussing:
The Paulinator
Spreading the seed
In fact in almost any piece of fiction out there people never seem to have to take a crap.
Or, apparently, masturbate....However the women usually are likely to help out in the straight-sex department. By that, of course, I mean there is rarely mention of buttsex in a soap-opera or a romantic comedy. Nary a word about a quick handjob in a gas station bathroom either.
Call me a hopeless romantic, I guess
tunsty
If FreeOnes was a woman, I'd marry her!
Hate to fill this serious and weighty topic with vulgarity.. well, actually I'd love to, so here goes..
Assuming there was much bashing-the-stormtroopers-helmet going on, do you suppose the.. ahem.. 'soiled tissues' would have ended up in the usual garbage disposal?
If so, I would have doubly hated to have been Luke Skywalker getting choked by that beast in the garbage compactor..
Imagine coming up for air with a mouthful of cummy-wipes hanging out of your mouth.. yuk
Assuming there was much bashing-the-stormtroopers-helmet going on, do you suppose the.. ahem.. 'soiled tissues' would have ended up in the usual garbage disposal?
If so, I would have doubly hated to have been Luke Skywalker getting choked by that beast in the garbage compactor..
Imagine coming up for air with a mouthful of cummy-wipes hanging out of your mouth.. yuk
anairhead999
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave FreeOnes.
haha i guess about 20000 of them
om3ga
It's good to be the king...
None, if Brick Vader is on board (he'd have their Jacobs)...
Red Spyder
Yes, I bribed and cheated to get this far
Well, in "A New Hope", if they had spent more time fixing that exhaust vent instead of masturbating, maybe Luke would not have blown them to pieces.
In "Return of the Jedi", that explains why Moff Jerjerrod was so behind that Vader had to go put him back on schedule. Bunch of wankers, don't they know jerking off leads to the dark side...
In "Return of the Jedi", that explains why Moff Jerjerrod was so behind that Vader had to go put him back on schedule. Bunch of wankers, don't they know jerking off leads to the dark side...
