Dear Stanscratch,
Amnesty International has alerted me to the torture of a youth by the name of Little Stan. He was apparently abducted and chained near a public restroom and his balls have not heard from him since.
It is vital to his safety and the protection of his legal rights that his location is made public. Please find Little Stan immediately. If He is in detention and chains, please ensure that He has access to a lawyer of his choice. Allow the balls to see him, and provide medical attention for any physical needs he may have.
May I have confidence that you will act swiftly to ensure that the legal and physical rights of Little Stan are upheld?
Thank you.
Ps - This post has been forwarded to Amnesty International, you evil dictator !!!
Dear Amnesty Internation:
I assure you, Little Stan and his two friends are quite safe. Yes, due to an unfortunate accident, he did have some red markings on him a couple of days ago, but that has since cleared up and no permanent damage has been done. And, while there have been unfounded reports of his daily abuse, I assure you that any care given to him by me is for both his and my own good.
If you are unsatisfied with this reply, I will gladly bring Little Stan to you in person and show him to you, in person. I am sure he would like to see you. You may check him as much as you want, and give him a nice big kiss as a show of good will in the end.
Thank you
Stan Scratch.
Stan, why do you keep inventing stories like this? We all know that you jack off at the urinals at work. Some of us stand behind you and jack off at the same time. It's like a big office game. Whoever cums on the seat of your pants first gets to inspect the urinal for evidence of your discharge.
I only jack off in the urinal if there are others behind me or in front of me, dirk - you know this (this is part of our Spooge Daisey Chain Gang). This time, I assure you, I was in the bath room only doing my business.
OK, I DID pull one off while there, but come on...if I am going to take Little Stan out in public, I might as well make use of him.
Why the fuck can't you wear a wrist watch? Do your arms have to weigh the same at all times? Fucking weirdo.
I wear a watch that my ex got me. Current girlfriend is unaware of said watch's origin. Stupid whore...
It's nothing to do with weight distribution. It has to do with tearing the watches off my arm. During one three month period several years ago, I had ripped three watches off my arm doing what I do. One flew off into the dumpster, one flew off somewhere into the electrical department and still has not been found, and another survived a 12 foot drop from atop a ladder (that is the one I kept for about a decade).
Our company also likes us to wear little metal pins and cloth badges on our aprons. I've also stopped wearing those, as I would tear them off while working.
However, none of that is an argument against me being a fucking wierdo. We all know better.
I have a pocket watch. I like them.
But I never had the chain get mixed up with my penis. Is your penis just so small you confused it for the chain and tried to get it out of the way?
Actually, my dick is so large that it reached the cha...
Ah. No. It's real small. I had the chain stuffed down the front of my pants.
I find slapping her in the face with my erect penis a lot more effective and instantly gratifying.
Because this part of the conversation does not involve the glory that is me, I will not directly address it, other than to leave it in for full proof that dirk likes to slap women in the face with his erect penis...which we all know is a lie. "Women"??!!?? HA!
I like pocket watches, they remind me of a time where everyone wore hats in public. I like to imagine StanScratch in a hat with a pocket watch, a hat, and a monocle.
I like turtles.
Did you just imagine me wearing two hats?
Because I do. Sometimes three. Little Stan likes to wear a hat when he is out in public.
I boiled down your post to the really salient point.
You didn't need to boil down the post. It is a commonly known fact. Everyone wacks off when thinking about me. I am sure this is simply giving everyone more ammo. Pervs.
I find that photo to be highly offensive to me. My eyebrows are MUCH bushier!
There needs to be a dick at the end of the cane, and the picture will be complete.
Oh, and I should be wearing a mini.
Dear Stan
May I take a photo of your dick enchained in this watch train and then post 50 copies of it in the funny pictures thread?
Yours
-Fucktard.
Did you forget to take the lens off again?
Forget about being old-fashioned Stan. That clunker is just going to keep inconveniencing you.
Wait, the watch, or his junk?
I think we all know the answer there.
Stan, tell 'em about the time you got that golf club stuck up your ass!
Remember? You weren't even golfing! :dunno:
Actually, it was a bowling pin.
I mean...what?
