Girls who fine porn offensive...?

[liquidkaos]

Has anyone here had to deal with a woman that finds porn offensive before? I dated this girl for a year and we had a couple of dealings where she found some porn in the room or on my computer (she lived there for 10 months or so).. I threw the crap out, and told her I wouldn't keep it around, etc. (ADDED: Actually, I threw out the porn, threw out pics of ex-girlfriends, threw out all kinds of stuff - and wanted to because I really dug this chick)

A bit later I proposed to her (she is greatest woman I have ever had the pleasure of being with - both in her mind, person, bedroom, etc) I promised her that I would continue down the path of removing porn from general life as best I could, but that I couldn't just throw it out 100% it just wasn't me.

After a few weeks of being engaged, she started DIGGING through my stuff trying to bust me.. And when she couldn't find anything, she started biting her nails and getting bitchy. She finally broke down and gave the ring back with a big note saying that I had to give her 100% not 99%. That it hurt her that I could pleasure myself to another woman.

I thought about it IN DEPTH (and I had in previous months before the engagement just to get to the point we were at) but I decided that there was no possible way that I could completely give it up. It would be like becomming a monk or something - I just can't fathom never looking or enjoying it again!

So she is moved out.. she is crushed. she believes that I love Internet porn and sluts more then her. We have talked about it NUMEROUS times since she left and we cannot come to any agreement that works.

(Btw, she has tatoo's, she used to dance at a club when she was naked, she likes rap music, etc.. she isn't a little christian girl I found at church that had never seen things before)

It has become a massive brick wall, and we are very sad not being together.

ADDED: We really had no other problems then this. We had the same views on politics, foods, where we were going in our lives, tastes in each others clothing and manners, everything else was great!

Sucks...

 

[Legzman]

Crazy bitch! Your better off without that kind of shit in your life anyway.

I honestly don't see why porn is so offensive to some women. If anyone is having a problem like this just tell her would you rather I go out and fuck someone else or simply jack off to pictures, movie, etc...

You get my point!

 

[xX-Joanne-Xx]

That really sucks ):

You shouldn't have to change yourself, but if you really love her then you'll just have to forget about the porn. Its only entertainment, unless you're addicted to it or something, (in which case you should get help.. I'm not being a bitch, i'm just saying, its not good..) it shouldn't be too hard to stop watching porn if you really love her.

Its silly, and it must be very irritating for you, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for love. Its not worth losing her over it.

xx

 

[liquidkaos]

That really sucks ):

You shouldn't have to change yourself, but if you really love her then you'll just have to forget about the porn. Its only entertainment, unless you're addicted to it or something, (in which case you should get help.. I'm not being a bitch, i'm just saying, its not good..) it shouldn't be too hard to stop watching porn if you really love her.

Its silly, and it must be very irritating for you, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for love. Its not worth losing her over it.

xx

I'm 33 years old. I haven't had to do this type of change in my entire life. I would think that pushing it 90% out of my life and working towards not doing anything with it would RATIONALLY be enough. But it's not.

And now she has moved 40 miles away to another city and has been gone for 1 1/2 months. The only answer she will accept (if it is not to late) is to 100% give up porn. How can your recommend actually doing that while posting on a porn forum?

 

[liquidkaos]

Crazy bitch! Your better off without that kind of shit in your life anyway.

I honestly don't see why porn is so offensive to some women. If anyone is having a problem like this just tell her would you rather I go out and fuck someone else or simply jack off to pictures, movie, etc...

You get my point!

We have talked about it many many times. Including what you are saying. She is so offended by it its crazy. We went to this therapist a few times - and he even said that there were self esteem issues that she could use a regular therapist just for herself. And the guy said that I seen/enjoyed enough porn in my life, and I don't think anything is wrong with it, so it could IN THEORY take a lifetime of therapy to figure out why I like to watch it.

Then he said he couldn't help us further, and that we were probably doomed because neither of us were willing to budge.

 

[jewelcity]

If you're watching it all the time, everyday, spending money you don't have on it, sure, she has a point, but if you're just using it when you jerk off when she's not around and she's still upset, I say forget about her. What else will you HAVE to give up or change after you're married to her?

 

[liquidkaos]

Hard to forget.....

But you are right, next it will be smoking. Or sell the sports car. Who knows.

I have a friend that likes to play video games a lot. His wife has "restricted" him to only playing when she is in bed (and the kids). This means that even though he has to get up at 6AM to go to work, he can only play a video game from 11PM-6AM so she won't see it.

Well, he has been trying this for a while now -- and he is getting fed up and TIRED as hell from lack of sleep. He started playing sometimes on Saturday in the day or for an hour after work -- and she is FLIPPING HER LID!

He just told me that in a similar aspect with my porn, that if his wife demands that he NEVER EVER PLAY A VIDEO GAME again, that they will probably have to seperate. Even though they both love each other dearly.

It's crazy, but true! Wtf. THIS CRAP IS SO STUPID!

 

[xX-Joanne-Xx]

How can your recommend actually doing that while posting on a porn forum?

I can recommend it because I would be able to stop watching porn for something like this, its such a small sacrifice...

It can't be good to be in this situation, but it sounds like shes not going to change her mind.

So really its a choice of, the porn, or being with the person you supposedly love. If you honestly choose the porn, you have problems. :/ I'm sorry.

And if its just because you dont want to 'give in' and let her win (some kind of male ego thing no doubt) then thats even worse!!

Just think about what you're going to lose, because of something so small...

 

[jewelcity]

Yea, I mean women aren't supposed to mother us and nag us although I'm sure it SEEMS like they're supposed to. Trust me, do what you want and be happy, tell her no and do what you want and just don't be disrespectful and watch it all the time or something. Don't even break up with her, just refuse.

Hard to forget.....

But you are right, next it will be smoking. Or sell the sports car. Who knows.

I have a friend that likes to play video games a lot. His wife has "restricted" him to only playing when she is in bed (and the kids). This means that even though he has to get up at 6AM to go to work, he can only play a video game from 11PM-6AM so she won't see it.

Well, he has been trying this for a while now -- and he is getting fed up and TIRED as hell from lack of sleep. He started playing sometimes on Saturday in the day or for an hour after work -- and she is FLIPPING HER LID!

He just told me that in a similar aspect with my porn, that if his wife demands that he NEVER EVER PLAY A VIDEO GAME again, that they will probably have to seperate. Even though they both love each other dearly.

It's crazy, but true! Wtf. THIS CRAP IS SO STUPID!

 

[liquidkaos]

Well, she already gave the ring back and moved out of the house....

 

[gunslingingbird]

There always has to be compromise on both ends in order to make a relationship work. It sounds like she just wants you to compromise and not put in her part to make it work.

On the other hand, why is porn something that you absolutely NEED? It's great to look at other women naked besides your partner, but in the end you physically have your partner, and all you have is computer images of the other girls.

 

[liquidkaos]

There always has to be compromise on both ends in order to make a relationship work. It sounds like she just wants you to compromise and not put in her part to make it work.

On the other hand, why is porn something that you absolutely NEED? It's great to look at other women naked besides your partner, but in the end you physically have your partner, and all you have is computer images of the other girls.

I just like it!

And she has never busted me looking at it live, and it has never effected or sex life IN ANY WAY. We have unbelievable sex. She even has made a video and posed for pictures a couple of times to try to see if I would get off the porn.

And like I said, I dumped 90% of what I was doing to please her.

You could say I'm addicted to porn, but only because I like it. It doesn't effect my job, money, family & friends, nothing. I'm 33 years old and this is the first time anything like this has come up. Even past relationships weren't like this. Hell, I'd show a girl some porn and she would be like, oh really? Check this bondage site out - LOL!

But not this girl... It's amazing how everything can be so perfect, yet get so completely screwed up over one item.

ADDED: It's definately related to self esteem. She is hot as hell though - honestly, if I saw her in porn I would definately spank it!!! (And so would everyone I know... but somehow she doesn't think so)

 

[liquidkaos]

Let me add a little something here to both sides...

HER SIDE:
She did catch me looking at AmateurMatch once. I wasn't doing anything, actually put us both in the profile as a couple and then browsed the site. In my mind I was more exploring the fetish, not actually trying to hook up with anyone or cheat or anything. She is COMPLETELY UNABLE to comprehend this (and I kind of understand) and I think that action a few months before we got engaged has haunted her throughout this process.

MY SIDE:
We had a party at my house and she actually stripped down and danced with another girl in their G-Strings WHILE I WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM. When I came in, other guys were watching her, and her friend covered herself up. She claims they were getting ready to move to the room I was in playing pool to suprise me. The other girl says no. This bothered me for a few days, but I got over it. It doesn't HAUNT me at all.

Also, sometimes when I have a hangover on the weekend, or she is out of town for a couple of days, or even if I CANT FALL ASLEEP -- I can watch a little porn and masturbate to either feel better, relieve tension, fall asleep, or whateve the case. I don't see how I should be required to just THROW THIS ABILITY completely out the window.

She says porn hurts her, but honestly, completely 100% removing all forms of porn or even a naked picture of a woman from my life HURTS ME in a simliar way. Neither way physically harms the other person, but dropping it completely would in a way HURT. It is IMPOSSIBLE to remove this desire from my mind, so I will have to fight it constantly for the rest of my life. Isn't this UNHEALTHY?

ADDED: It's like the time she tried to stop smoking. She lasted about a month after the new years resolution, got stressed over something at work, and busted out the cigs. I don't see how she can ask me to stop completely looking or desiring this material, when something that actually can KILL HER she can't even stop for more then 30 days.

 

[gunslingingbird]

ADDED: It's like the time she tried to stop smoking. She lasted about a month after the new years resolution, got stressed over something at work, and busted out the cigs. I don't see how she can ask me to stop completely looking or desiring this material, when something that actually can KILL HER she can't even stop for more then 30 days.

Why don't you try to make that your mutual compromise? You stop looking at porn if she stops smoking.

 

[TheSatyrIcon]

liquidkaos:

I'm sorry but I think that your girlfriend (ex?) is really hypocritical; she danced at clubs naked for gosh sake's. And any satisfaction that you get from watching porn is the same kind that she gave while dancing nude at a club, even when she was dancing at that party with guys watching her.

While I get the feeling that you really do love her, and that she loves you, making a relationship hinged on compromises sucks. Try the no smoking/no porn compromise, but if that doesn't work stick, move on. It will save you from too many issues that pop up of "you do this, or..." situations that will hurt you even more.

The Satyr Icon

 

[titsrock]

There are too many things that don't add up.
1. You actually removed all your porn.
2. Your girl used to be a stripper
3. She felt you were "hiding stuff" went looking for it, never found any.
4. You told her you couldn't totally get rid of porn from your life.
5. She decided you wouldn't ever truly love her, basically, and broke it off.

My advice to you, if you really love her, is to show up on her doorstep and profess that you are ready to give up all porn from your life. It seems like you already did this, basically, anyways.

You have hit the American Dream. You have a sports car and you were engaged to an ex-stripper. My gawd man, don't be a fool and let something as dumb as porn ruin this! It doesn't sound like you're that attached to it anyway, based on your posts. It's more like you feel the need to "have the freedom" to enjoy porn, outside of the prying eyes of your fiance/wife.

Sorry but there are real issues out there for you two to compromise..like on buying a house, taking vacations, spending holidays, raising children, etc.
Porn is not worth it.

I have a hard time believing an ex-stripper would care if you were wanking to porn or liked looking at hot chicks. I really do.

 

[titsrock]

I had another thought. Maybe you should introduce your fiance to male porn and simply say, "Honey, if you let me have mine, I will let you have yours?" You could buy her a couple of issues of "Playgirl" or "Stud" or "Titsrock's Digest"

You could even pretend you like her porn and say things like, "Honey, since you're going out with the girls tonight, make sure you leave me the latest 'Studs' (cough)(cough) a couple of articles caught my eye and I'd like to catch up with my (cough)(cough) reading...":thumbsup:

 

[senob44]

I'll have to admit, this woman sounds like she is way too picky. You mentioned that she went looking for your porn and was still pissed even when she didn't find any! I think if you have already offered to give up porn and she doesn't come back to you, you should leave her. It sounds like she really has issues and as the therapist suggested, she should be in counseling.

 

[SuperTMcGee]

My ex was offended by porn and thought it was degrading to women and all that. Ironically, during sex she liked to be treated like shit, get spanked, her hair pulled, finger up the ass, call her a slut kinda stuff. smh..

 

[Deepcover]

She's psycho crazy. Any girl that goes through a guy's personal belongings is not one to be trusted...imo