Dear Mr. Diddy,
I feel that you may have lost perspective - perspective on what this is, on what it is NikkiSims.com provides its clientele and what Nikki means to you. I sympathize with your pain and frustration. I have felt it as well at times albeit, perhaps, differently. I have not bothered to read everything you've written in depth but I did notice some variations on particular themes. The one and only that I take issue with is your belief that anything other than slavish, fawning devotion and praise is warranted at all times. Here we disagree.
I have made amends for some of my more critical, and frankly, unhelpfully harsh opinions on some of Nikki's past work. However, I have not been unfair here, and I have praised her highly, frequently, and remain a paying member to this day. I sense that you blame me and others for her hiatus. I think that, perhaps in part, you may be right.
I am of two minds on the matter: on the one hand, I of course would like to have new scenes from her. On the other, she's a grown woman with a family who's been working a niche market for 14+ years. She may be tired of it and looking to move into a new stage of her life.
Perhaps I was the one who pushed her over the edge? Maybe...? Or maybe she's been steadily inching towards the edge of needing a break for a long time? Maybe she just got bored? Maybe your paint-by-numbers worship and mindless plaudits began to ring hollow and repetitive? Who likes a predictable-as-clockwork kiss-ass? What self-respecting person values the opinion of someone that only ever tells them what they think they want to hear?
I'll take my piece of the blame, such as it is. If I never post about her again, will it bring her back? Would that appease you? It would be a pretty amazing power that I wield if she actually did come back; but sure, I'll do it. I don't really need to post shit. If it makes her feel better and she happily puts a few more scenes out. Great... But I doubt that will make much of a difference.
She's her own woman and can do what she wants and if slavish devotion is what is required to coax her back to work, I will respectfully decline. I think she has enough self-respect to see through that kind of behavior, anyway.
While I do think she is very special; enigmatically beautiful and seductive... I will not lie. I will continue to be generous, appreciative and fair.
Every other questionable accusation you've levied against me has been more or less dealt with by others so I'll leave those aside. I will part with this: I am not a professional psychotherapist, but unlike Badd Bludd, I actually do think you are mentally unwell. My unqualified and unsolicited advice to you is to stop and seek help. Stop driving yourself crazy. She ain't worth the obvious mental anguish you're putting yourself through. No one is worth that. Your super-fan larping, while highly emotionally charged, is just a game you've gotten yourself stuck in playing. I don't know what your reasons are; it doesn't matter to me. It's not healthy nor admirable. It isn't even tragic - your suffering is ignoble - it is simply, just sad. Please afford yourself the dignity you deserve as a human being, take stock of your self-worth and move forward.
but I really hope she comes back soon. If people have complained that she is boring then they don't know about the Road Trip video!
