Porn does more for me than religion ever did!
porn is my religion. i turn to the east at sundown and give praise to it five other times in the day. ocassionally i celebrate pornmadan or a classic pornza. just tell my boss we see religion differently and walk out of work. also i can claim consceintious objector if a war comes up.
recruiter: can you serve your count-?
me: nah, i got go jack it a couple more times, by the way where is your nearest bathroom?