Potential new girlfriend has a stalker ex, what do I do?

[gloyster]

I met this girl two weeks ago and she works with me. With have had one date and plenty of phonecalls and she came around my house on my birthday to drop me a card and make out for 5 mins ha! anyway she seems really needy like she really likes me and calls quite a bit, I call her in the day and if I don't txt her later on she says "you forgot me" and we have been getting really serious in chats, a bit too soon.

Seems like things are going wrong. Two days after this she canceled a date giving no real reason, telling me she can't get off work even though she works in the day. Then she tells me she can but as there isn't any money in her account she doesn't want to go out. We will see eachother at work also.

I speak to her that night and then she got into some really flirty and dirty txt messages with me, asking me "what do I like to do to my girlfriend" over and over intil I would get more perverted. I thought she was testing me out or something.

Anyway when we first met she mentioned her stalker ex and that he never knew where she lived. Today she tells me he knocked on her door and walked in with flowers. He speaks to her mum, and she told me she ignored him. They were together many years and they broke up recently.

She then tells me he started emailing her. I asked her why she was telling me this and that these situations are not good. She told me she wanted to get it off her chest and that it's stressing her out. She was with him for years but he cheated on her and she also said he gave her the worst time of her life near the end.

She said she can't really do anything. She took her facebook off so he wouldn't contact her etc. I was a little "too nice" during most of our past conversations but thats because I REALLY like her and the fact she even bothered to see me on my birthday was lovely. Today she said she would like to meet me next week.

What should I do? If I ignore her out for even a day she gets pissed off and I also can seem to ignore her txts because she gets pissed off. Right now I'm worried this guy is going to get her back and this ******* sucks it happens to me alot guys. What can I do?

 

[STDiva]

You need to go with the ask/tell policy. Be civil and ask him to leave her alone. If he persists. Tell him to leave her alone. If he persists, rough him up. This is a simple solution.

 

[TheOrangeCat]

Sounds like your real problem is she's a flake who lies to you rather than tell you the truth of her actions and the reasons why, demands your attention and reacts badly when you fail to do or give her what she wants and who is utterly inconsistent in her demonstration of affection for you (it seems to increase when she wants something, btw).

Do you have any proof other than her word that there even is a stalker ex?

I'm sorry to say, and I feel for ya, but from what you wrote (and I know it's only a tiny snapshot) this has 'bunny boiler' written all over it.

 

[STDiva]

Sounds like your real problem is she's a flake who lies to you rather than tell you the truth of her actions and the reasons why, demands your attention and reacts badly when you fail to do or give her what she wants and who is utterly inconsistent in her demonstration of affection for you (it seems to increase when she wants something, btw).

Do you have any proof other than her word that there even is a stalker ex?

I'm sorry to say, and I feel for ya, but from what you wrote (and I know it's only a tiny snapshot) this has 'bunny boiler' written all over it.

Don't you mean, "You should pee on her house, so he knows it's your territory."?

 

[TheOrangeCat]

Don't you mean, "You should pee on her house, so he knows it's your territory."?

I find standing naked in a girls front yard wielding a chainsaw usually sends a very strong territorial message.

A fruitful steaming dump in front of the gate also helps clarify the issue.

 

[Ace Bandage]

Kill him. If that's too direct then just murder his family as a warning.

 

[PirateKing]

Challenge him to a duel.

 

[STDiva]

Kill him. If that's too direct then just murder his family as a warning.

Don't listen to this ^ guy. He wants to kill everybody. Even his fellow Cubs fans just for catching a foul ball.

 

[gloyster]

I know ur saying OrangeCat. I do feel the bunnyboilerness and I don't get it she looks amazing.

I don't understand why thinks I'm ignoring her just because I don't keep running after her. I call her and show her enough attention but cut back and she wonders why. I don't even like txting all that much.

I told her I went out with friends last night and she txt me "you forgot me" and I never replied for 3 hours cause I was drunk. I could tell when I spoke to her today she was pissed off about it even though I did get back to her eventually.

 

[TheOrangeCat]

I know ur saying OrangeCat. I do feel the bunnyboilerness and I don't get it she looks amazing.

I don't understand why thinks I'm ignoring her just because I don't keep running after her. I call her and show her enough attention but cut back and she wonders why. I don't even like txting all that much.

I told her I went out with friends last night and she txt me "you forgot me" and I never replied for 3 hours cause I was drunk. I could tell when I spoke to her today she was pissed off about it even though I did get back to her eventually.

sorry to say, this much drama this early on is NOT a good sign.

 

[tiger1977]

Love and a .45. Make use of the .45.

 

[Elwood70]

sorry to say, this much drama this early on is not a good sign.

this.

 

[L3ggy]

Stalk the stalker.

 

[Hot Mega]

"Potential"? I say her problems are not your problems yet.

Besides...do you know enough about her to be sure of the circumstances before you go butting in?

 

[meesterperfect]

i know you don't want to hear it but do nothing.
just roll with it.

and like mega said: Besides...do you know enough about her to be sure of the circumstances before you go butting in?

a lot of girls like to make stuff up and exaggerate........so its best just do nothing for the time being.

 

[Ace Bandage]

Don't listen to this ^ guy. He wants to kill everybody. Even his fellow Cubs fans just for catching a foul ball.

I'd much rather kill Alex Gonzalez for blowing a routine ground ball, but that's neither here nor there. I'm over that.

Clearly, you have not considered how helpful it would be to eliminate certain people from society. How much better off would we all be if we eradicated the poor? Think about that...

 

[Rane1071]

If she's that posessive already are you sure you want to "win" her.

 

[TheOrangeCat]

If she's that posessive already are you sure you want to "win" her.

^^ what he said. I'd make a decent bet the 'ex-bf stalker' is actually just a reflection of her ......

 

[Icewater Jones]

Set up a time and place where you can 'unexpectedly' meet him. Be civil and forthcoming, but be sure to wear sport goggles, camo fatigues, military boots, and headphones. Let him know that you'd love to sit and chat, but you're running behind for law enforcement marksman challenge practice and you're DEAD SET on winning this year.

Before you go, tell him 'Check this out!'. Then pull out a large Bowie knife from your boot and point it toward his neck. After which, say 'Just kiddin', man... what'dya think?'

 

[Ulysses31]

She sounds more like a nagging wife than a girlfriend. I'm not saying she is lying but be open to the possibility that she is, if this guy is truly stalking here has she gone to the police and got a restraining order against him? If not suggest you go to the police station together and analyse her response. Some women split up with an asshole because he wouldn't change and then use a new guy to say to him, change or I'll stick with this new guy who's really into me. She could be in contact with this guy telling him that you're a great guy who phones and texts her all day and that if he wants her back he should sort himelsf out. If you don't trust any or her responses you could check her texts or email for evidence of any contact with him but I wouldn't recommend it. ps If her mum still speaks to her ex then it makes it less likely he is some demented stalker, why not phone her mum and get her take on it all?