I called a few hours after and yeah she was crying badly.
In all honest, you should wait for her to call, not vice-versa. You don't want to be "following up" with her, let her do it. But that's my view, I don't know you two and your history.
One thing I'm getting tired of her doing, and I'm sure you are to, is her crying. In all honesty, I'd ask (almost rhetorically) what she is crying about, this is what she wanted. And when she says it was not, get her to understand that it might have all gone down differently if she was honest with you in the first place.
I really think she's crying for herself. She doesn't want to face up to the reality that she hid behind her own emotions and took advantage of your long friendship, not by just involving another man, but hiding everything from you. That was really the problem.
She doesn't want to be honest and state everything she wants, because she fears what she will lose. The thing about relationships is that it's not about what you "lose," but about finding a compatible set of values with those in your relationship. It's obvious to me that she wanted an one-way system.
I said my e-mail wasn't writen in vain, it was just what I had to do to get some of my life back. Oh and that if it had been me who I had done this, she knows too well she would've kicked me way more quickly.
Good for you! Keep your chin up. Keep it honest. Keep it real. And most importantly, don't get mad.
I know this will sting and hurt, but I think you know it's reality and you're letting it guide you, which is best:
If she can't take you cutting off her "direct support route without question" (which she had been taking advantage of), and she says she won't come back because of that, then that's
100% her fault. All you're doing is forcing her to live with her decision. You still love her. You still care about her. Heck, you've been more than understanding. All you want is honesty, not more lies, not more hiding behind her emotions. Not any more one-way.
No relationship lasts based on lies, or at least not once they are exposed.
It's been very hard and very quick too. In 8 weeks my whole life has changed. Completely changed.
Dude, I utterly respect you like I've never respected anyone in a long time. You have gone through a lot of shit. I understand you use this board as an "outlet" at times. That's good. In fact, part of her problem is that she blabs to everyone but you, including your families, as well as another guy. You, instead, deal with it.
I think I've benefited the most though through this. Excercising a lot, going out way more, old friends and new friends.
You've done the best thing you could.
A) Know she means a lot to you, more than any other woman in your life, ever, and told her that. But ...
B) You made her face the reality that you're not going to be taking advantage of, so while she means everything to you, it's not the whole world in the end.
I really don't think she realized "B", and I don't think she's realizing it now. If she feels sorry for herself with her tears, regardless of what she says to you, I think it may be a long time before she "wakes up" to this. It would not surprise me one bit if she's confiding that in everyone else, or at least him. And that's her problem.
If my wife ever found her not being honest with me, repeatedly, then I'd have to divorce her. It's one thing if she told me she wants to fuck another man when I'm not around (something I wouldn't really care for), but it's another if she ever hid that from me. Even worse is if she started confiding in another man than myself. I know that latter is also something she would despise the most and expected answers for or she'd want a divorce out of me as well.
These changes are what I wanted to talk about with her just before the holidays. It's really too bad because our relationship could have improved. She gave up though and stopped caring.
That's exactly what happened. She probably still loves you very much. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize that requires her to be honest with you, possibly even just herself. If she is rationalizing this as your fault, then she's got the problem, not you.
Yes, "it takes two to tango," but when it comes to a relationship, someone who does not want to work through problems, and force the other person to "just deal with it without explanation or consideration," shouldn't expect it to work out. I honestly hope she realizes this. But if she doesn't, and she blames you for this saying "you kicked her out," just come back to the
truth that she couldn't even be remotely honest with you.
And that's how you get past it, including if anyone else wants to judge.
