Separation

[Member2019]

I had the "D" bomb dropped on me after 24 years of marriage. Talk about being blown away emotionally! It's only been 9 months for me and it's still hard, but it is getting easier. My advice to you would be to move on as best you can and avoid dwelling on it. Time will be the only thing that will take away the pain. Even then, the wound is just under the surface. It's a helluva lot like dealing with the death of a partner.

Man, that just sucks. I'm really sorry to hear. You can feel free to PM me and we can talk more outside of this thread.

As far as this whole scenario, the woman is young and stupid. I don't know if she'll ever "come around" but I think the circumstances are different than say a relationship of much longer with older people. That's all I was saying here.

 

[Montrealman]

Guys, she never said she wanted to come back. She's just figuring herself out I guess. I was 23 once too and yeah I too kind of played yo-yo with 2 girls' emotions. It wasn't because I didn't love them, it's just I was torn and had to figure stuff out. I think that's where she is in her life. What shocked me about it all is I thought she was past that stage, but she's not. I still don't call or write her, we just happen to bump into each other twice a week these days, and now that the initial butterflies are gone with her new guy, well she now sees a lot of red flags. Which I knew would happen and some of you here have predicted it too. I kept the place where we live and I think she might be coming around in this whole thing, but I say the word MIGHT. She might not. All I know is did my best with her and like Prof said, there's no shame in that. I feel good about that.

KBM I am sorry for your loss and I agree that it's like dealing with the death of your partner. You can PM me too.

I wish you guys a great day.

 

[LBP 76]

You can disagree. But, he can't take her back. :tongue:

She's already dumped him for another guy and after she knew how the other guy felt and now she wants to come back because the guys a jerk.

I agree. If MM takes her back, she WILL lose respect for him.
And if she dumped MM once, why not again?
MM? Be strong, not weak. This is a life test. Pass it.

 

[Member2019]

Guys, she never said she wanted to come back.

I also picked up on this too. I just wanted to ensure that if she started to edge back in, you know how to handle things. After all, she might have a "big fight" with her new bo', and want to move back in, even though she's not coming back to you.

She's just figuring herself out I guess. I was 23 once too and yeah I too kind of played yo-yo with 2 girls' emotions. It wasn't because I didn't love them, it's just I was torn and had to figure stuff out. I think that's where she is in her life.

Which is exactly the way I saw it too. I noted your maturity and your recognizing this possible situation.

What shocked me about it all is I thought she was past that stage, but she's not.

The biggest issue was the utter lack of her being forward and honest, especially given the amount of time you two had been together. I'm sure if I pulled that shit on my fiance some two years into our relationship, my wife and I may very well not be together today.

I still don't call or write her, we just happen to bump into each other twice a week these days, and now that the initial butterflies are gone with her new guy, well she now sees a lot of red flags. Which I knew would happen and some of you here have predicted it too. I kept the place where we live and I think she might be coming around in this whole thing, but I say the word MIGHT. She might not. All I know is did my best with her and like Prof said, there's no shame in that. I feel good about that.

Exactomundo.

KBM I am sorry for your loss and I agree that it's like dealing with the death of your partner. You can PM me too. I wish you guys a great day.

I'm just hoping my wife is always with me. I just have to keep thinking that way.

 

[Montrealman]

I am an idiot. She's a cunt.

 

[Montrealman]

You know what sucks man? Whenever I had girl trouble I could lose myself in a piece of music I played or listened to. I could read a novel or a book about relationships and learn from it and appreciate it. I could watch a film which dealt with similar problems and try to get something out of it, learn and put to use, you know?

This time around nothing works, and I don't get it. I feel totally helpless and useless because I am losing out on all fronts. It's so surprising to me that it gets me this bad. That I am not over it. I spent my 20's in 2 relationships and I never felt this bad about a girl before. Never ever. Is it because I knew and appreciated what I had wit this girl? I know she was the best girl I had ever been with and wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. Not just 16 fuckin' months. Is it because I believed her when she asked me to marry her 3 times? Is it because she talked about true love and loyalty and was so surprised by her disrespect of it from her actions X-mas time?
I'm not drinking guys so don't get that impression. I was just on Facebook and saw her status as "In A Relationship". After all the red flags she talked about yesterday and now this???

What in the living fuck is that?
There's my answer: That's that.
I'm sorry fellas for being such a douche and asking for so much advice.
Again, I just want to fucking....I don't know.
I feel like I'm turning into the Hulk.


Grey Hulk.

 

[anomaly]

Montrealman, We all understand that you are hurting and confused. Do yourself a favor get yourself a new girl. It doesn't have to be someone special, just a lady to spend some time with while keeping your mind off this problematic chick. When my first serious g/f broke up with me I was crushed but when she tried to reconcile I did not go back. Walk away and enjoy your life.

 

[Montrealman]

I'm just so fuckin' angry Anomaly. This is not my first long term relationship though and maybe that's why I don't understand these feelings.

 

[Member2019]

I'm just so fuckin' angry Anomaly. This is not my first long term relationship though and maybe that's why I don't understand these feelings.

Dude, quit questioning yourself. You're fine. You're just damn fine. You're probably the most real, honest, intelligent and considerate person in this whole thing. Don't question yourself. Trust me, you sound just fine to me. Most of us would react the same.

You're just dealing with it. That's cool. We're here for you. Take all the time you need. Most of us don't like to see you get worked up about it, and wish you could find peace in some way, but just because we care. We totally understand, and that's why we're here.

You didn't do anything wrong. There may be some minor details here and there, but do they really matter? She did what she did, and you weren't going to change that no matter how thoughtful, considerate, open, "take your time", etc... you were. Her loss, honestly.

I just hope the best happens for you, whatever that may be.

I might be a selfish pig, but I'd be out getting laid, or at least enjoying myself with someone else (even totally non-sexually). Maybe I wouldn't just call up the office slut, but I'd definitely get out there and have some fun (and "fall back" to the office slut if I couldn't find any as a "last resort" ). You really need it. You need to have some non-serious fun for once. And who knows, maybe everything else will work out regardless.

But that's just me.

 

[Montrealman]

No it just changes everything again. Yesterday she says she still has feelings and she writes me 2 e-mails. One from school and the other from work. She doesn't work on Thursdays so I know she went there to meet up with scumbag and then on facebook she puts IN A RELATIONSHIP as her staus and I know she doesn't mean me, so fuck it,.
Fuck that.

That's it, my feelings don't count and that's fucking obvious.

 

[loveakirayui]

U sounds like a teenager in the mist of a first love... but like everything else in life, u'll get over it. If the girl wanted the relationship to work out then it would have. Just jack off to your favorite porn star and enjoy your life as much you can.

 

[Montrealman]

You sound, I mean sounds, like you've never been in love. Either that or your interpretation of love as a word to express feeling is different than mine. If you don't understand just back the fuck off and stay cool.

Guitar solo!

 

[LBP 76]

I finally read your first post.
BRUTAL HONESTY WARNING:
It's simple, she doesn't want you anymore. Doesn't sound like she REALLY wants this other guy either or knows what she wants. But one thing should be obvious: it AIN'T you.
Stop looking for clarity from her, she has none to offer.
You feel like shit. Get used to it, because you're gonna feel this way for many weeks. Unless you are some really shallow guy that can drink or work or meaningless fuck his way into forgetting it, learn nothing and then repeat this same situation with the next woman you go nuts for. But you sound much deeper to me then that.
Somewhere inside you know exactly what went wrong. But you're too hurt and miserable to see it. And you won't until the pain subsides. And that takes time; there is no other cure.
So settle down for many days of great unhappiness. How many depends on when you let her go for good.
BTW, she was not good for you. You need someone more like you.
I feel your pain. Many of us here do.

 

[Montrealman]

I'm a total asshole.
Dudes you can negative rep me all you want, I'm open to it.
Can't believe I freaked out so much about a facebook thing.
Drinking and typing and insulting FreeOnes members is not my proudest moment.
Very sorry guys!

Beer time!!







Just kidding.

 

[pancha]

sorry, i haven't figured this all out yet. my post is in BOLD. those are not Prof's comments, but mine

I disagree.

Yes, she's got to "re-earn" the trust, and that takes time. You don't want her to come back now. But with time, it can happen.

gotta disagree there. trust isn't like money earned for a job well done, or a broken whatever that can be glued back together. once lost, whatever indescretion caused the break seems to never be forgotten and always raises that lingering doubt

First thing I knew I had to do before I married my wife was that I never take things outside of us, period. Not my parents, not my friends, no one! Except for cases of abuse, couples survive only if and when they realize everything starts and ends with them, and no one else. It's done me wonders for the almost dozen years I've been married.

I like the theory here, but it doesn't work when one person refuses to see your point of view. sorry, but speaking of a current situation I am in (unfortunately I'll be starting my own thread on a similar situation soon!)

These two were together for a long time. That doesn't mean you don't just put it all to the side.

No, I feel that that is impossible. you are right on the money!

Sometimes people do stupid, selfish things. The question is if they realize it. She's never done something like this before. The further question is whether she realizes that honest was at fault here, and she wasn't. That takes time to find out. How serious does she want you? Long-term? Eternal?

Or are you "just better than him" for now? That's also a question that answers everything else negative if true.

i find this last passage very true, but it seems very logical and rational. . . two things far from being easily reached in a situation where your emotions are so deeply involved.

sorry for digressing, but MM, i feel for you. my life is in a fucking tailspin right now too and i am very unsure about how to proceed. wish you nothing but the best my friend. not sure how or if i can help, but i would be more than happy and willing to share my perspective or lend some friendly advice.

 

[georges]

No it just changes everything again. Yesterday she says she still has feelings and she writes me 2 e-mails. One from school and the other from work. She doesn't work on Thursdays so I know she went there to meet up with scumbag and then on facebook she puts IN A RELATIONSHIP as her staus and I know she doesn't mean me, so fuck it,.
Fuck that.

That's it, my feelings don't count and that's fucking obvious.

I advised you to ignore her. If you want to have a relationship with her again then give a serious beating to the scumbag, and give her a session of hardcore sex perhaps she will then understand that none messes with you. Personally if I had a girl who cheated on me, trust me I would fuck her in the ass before throat fucking and blowing my load on her face because I despise cheating girls. And to the guy who had cheated on my girl, I would give him one hell of a beating so he will remember it for his whole life. I don't have compassion for traitors and backstabbers. Moral of the story,if you see people who have cheated on you as well as lied to you and who want to be again with you, use strong and ruthless methods and don't show any compassion. Trustworthiness and honesty are rare qualities among people these days. Irrespectful people never understand things, until they are shown the right way by being given a good lesson. If people can't keep their word, can't have serious feelings and be honest with you in a relationship, they are not worth wasting your time.

 

[georges]

U sounds like a teenager in the mist of a first love... but like everything else in life, u'll get over it. If the girl wanted the relationship to work out then it would have. Just jack off to your favorite porn star and enjoy your life as much you can.

Does it happen to you to weight your words before writing? I think not. Montrealman has problems and you added nothing to the discussion by calling his names, you realize that, don't you? The girl in question is cheater and a liar because she sends him emails of love and at the same times goes out with another man, didn't you understand that by reading the previous posts?
Reading comprehension is not your strength. Before putting stickers on people, read and try to understand what the person says in her/his post. Just jack off to your favorite porn and stop making sweeping statements which are false.

 

[LBP 76]

I advised you to ignore her. If you want to have a relationship with her again then give a serious beating to the scumbag, and give her a session of hardcore sex perhaps she will then understand that none messes with you. Personally if I had a girl who cheated on me, trust me I would fuck her in the ass before throat fucking and blowing my load on her face because I despise cheating girls. And to the guy who had cheated on my girl, I would give him one hell of a beating so he will remember it for his whole life.

I hope you learn before someone gets seriously hurt that violence is never the answer. Especially violence from anger.

 

[bodie54]

If people can't keep their word, can't have serious feelings and be honest with you in a relationship, they are not worth wasting your time.

If that's the case (and I agree it is) then why do you advocate beating the man and abusing the woman?

 

[Montrealman]

I would never do that.