The "Training Day" Defense

[Lee Van Queef]

There's this great story in the movie Training Day that made me think of something I might try in court if I had no other possible defense. The morning of the day you take the stand, pack your shorts with peanut butter. If you find yourself crumbling to the cross examination, stick both hands in the back of your pants and then start licking the peanut butter off your fingers. The judge will pity you thinking it's shit and you're sick and belong in a hospital instead of a prison letting you get off with Insanity.

 

[Straight Shooter]

The key is to make sure it's super chunky peanut butter

 

[PlasmaTwa2]

Why not just actually shit your pants? :dunno:

 

[D-rock]

There is the problem that peanut butter has a relatively strong odor. You're more likely to piss everybody off, including the jury.

 

[Lust]

I thought that was the "BaconSalt" defense

 

[lurkingdirk]

I would rather just show up to court with NO pants. That works pretty well, too. Especially when I sit at my defendants table, slowly stroking, staring at juror number 4. The judge keeps looking, and telling me to stop, but I can tell, he likes it too.

At least, I would imagine that would work.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

That is silly. You think they wouldn't check it or already know about that? Plus I hear it is better to go through with the prison rather being locked up in an asylum. Someone got just that and after a couple of days wished they just went to prison.

 

[Rey C.]

There's this great story in the movie Training Day that made me think of something I might try in court if I had no other possible defense. The morning of the day you take the stand, pack your shorts with peanut butter. If you find yourself crumbling to the cross examination, stick both hands in the back of your pants and then start licking the peanut butter off your fingers. The judge will pity you thinking it's shit and you're sick and belong in a hospital instead of a prison letting you get off with Insanity.

Usually it's something Blue Balls writes. But every now & again, I'll read something here that sends me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Screw going to court. I think I might try that at a family reunion (maybe this year!). And I know the aunt that I'm going to try to hug right after I do it.

Rep for you, Dino. That's (disturbingly) funny! :rofl:

 

[HE1FiNEARTiST]

I would rather just show up to court with NO pants. That works pretty well, too. Especially when I sit at my defendants table, slowly stroking, staring at juror number 4. The judge keeps looking, and telling me to stop, but I can tell, he likes it too.

At least, I would imagine that would work.

:eek: http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2005/09/26/1127586801674.html?from=top5

 

[vodkazvictim]

Told you he was baconsalt.
:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: