Waited on by women in stores. Forum ladies,advice/insight......please???

[Rey C.]

If you get a (functioning) phone number, she's interested. If you don't, or you get one that starts with 555... you are outta luck.

Uh... that ain't sarcasm. ^ :o

 

[sexarise! chick]

Good thread.

 

[lachemo]

Uh... that ain't sarcasm. ^ :o

I know, I wasnt directing my thoughts to all...............

 

[ChefChiTown]

I havent laughed that hard in ages bro...........you had to be trippin' face on acid to think of that shit on the fly. Theres no way you'll convince me thats your genuine imagination. Nice!

Nope...that's how he always is. See, when he was 14 years old, he was diagnosed with hyperactivemasturbatoryism. It's a rare condition in which it's victims suffer from rapid increases in hormone production which leads to frequent sexual urges that, no matter the amount of genital stimulation, can't be satisfied.

BlueBalls used to masturbate so frequently that the skin on his penis became so worn out and painfully rashy due to the constant friction caused by his palm that his mother had to apply a soothing topical cream three times a day - sometimes, even while he was at school. Unfortunately, the topical cream wasn't approved by the FDA at the time and contained trace amounts of phencyclidine, or, as we know it, PCP. Due to the numerous times that his mother gently massaged the topical cream onto the flacid shaft of his penis, BlueBalls was being fed a constant dosage of PCP which ended up destroying around 37% of his active brain cells.

In perfect health, BlueBalls' brain operates with about a 16% efficiency, meaning, that BlueBalls' brain, at it's best, is only capable of using 16% of it's brain cells. So, with BlueBalls' naturally low usage of his brain activity, along with the added depletion of brain cells from the PCP, BlueBalls' brain is about...

:does some math:

37% divided by the square root of 16%, over Pi, minus his birthday...

Umm, simply put...BlueBalls is fuckin' retarded.

Aaaaand, there you have it.

 

[BlueBalls]

Nope...that's how he always is. See, when he was 14 years old, he was diagnosed with hyperactivemasturbatoryism. It's a rare condition in which it's victims suffer from rapid increases in hormone production which leads to frequent sexual urges that, no matter the amount of genital stimulation, can't be satisfied.

BlueBalls used to masturbate so frequently that the skin on his penis became so worn out and painfully rashy due to the constant friction caused by his palm that his mother had to apply a soothing topical cream three times a day - sometimes, even while he was at school. Unfortunately, the topical cream wasn't approved by the FDA at the time and contained trace amounts of phencyclidine, or, as we know it, PCP. Due to the numerous times that his mother gently massaged the topical cream onto the flacid shaft of his penis, BlueBalls was being fed a constant dosage of PCP which ended up destroying around 37% of his active brain cells.

In perfect health, BlueBalls' brain operates with about a 16% efficiency, meaning, that BlueBalls' brain, at it's best, is only capable of using 16% of it's brain cells. So, with BlueBalls' naturally low usage of his brain activity, along with the added depletion of brain cells from the PCP, BlueBalls' brain is about...

:does some math:

37% divided by the square root of 16%, over Pi, minus his birthday...

Umm, simply put...BlueBalls is fuckin' retarded.

Aaaaand, there you have it.

That about sums it up.

I think the only thing he left out was the daily rectal examinations I have to take so that the doctors can remove whatever foreign object whether living or not I stuck up their the previous evening. Oh how the docs loose their temper at me, it's quite funny, but when they hit and bite it's not, although spanking can be fun if the nurse has big hands and strong forearms. So . . . yeah, if it was living when it was put in, it's not when they take it out. The lack of oxygen will do that to you. Don't believe me, ask Freddy Mercury.

And that's why I can no longer keep rodents as pets. Nor cats.

Not quite sure why Chef would leave something like that out, maybe he was just trying to be nice. Or he was just leaving it open for me to explain? Who knows. But I'll tell you this, the next chance I get Chef will be face to face with my brown hole.

No, not my asshole, he's far too big for that. No, my special hole in the back garden where I keep my special things. Like Paris Hiltons old vagina, the one that got worn out and infected with gonorrhoea.

:hatsoff:

 

[ChefChiTown]

That about sums it up.

I think the only thing he left out was the daily rectal examinations I have to take so that the doctors can remove whatever foreign object whether living or not I stuck up their the previous evening. Oh how the docs loose their temper at me, it's quite funny, but when they hit and bite it's not, although spanking can be fun if the nurse has big hands and strong forearms. So . . . yeah, if it was living when it was put in, it's not when they take it out. The lack of oxygen will do that to you. Don't believe me, ask Freddy Mercury.

And that's why I can no longer keep rodents as pets. Nor cats.

Not quite sure why Chef would leave something like that out, maybe he was just trying to be nice. Or he was just leaving it open for me to explain? Who knows. But I'll tell you this, the next chance I get Chef will be face to face with my brown hole.

No, not my asshole, he's far too big for that. No, my special hole in the back garden where I keep my special things. Like Paris Hiltons old vagina, the one that got worn out and infected with gonorrhoea.

:hatsoff:

I figured that you tell the story so much better than I do, so I left it for you to explain.

 

[D-rock]

Okay heres what you do.

Wake up at aroun 7am tomorrow morning, do all the things you normally do. Shit, shower, shave all three are important to force yourself to do them. Now get dressed up, you can either go casual in jeans or if you really wanna make an impression you could get yourself all suited and booted up and look as flash as a shit stain on tight white underwear. As you have showered you'll probably smell decent anyway, unless you have a sweat problem which causes the BO to start the stink up again 10 minutes after you've had a shower, like certain people I shall not name for legal reasons. If this is you, spray as much of the over expensive crap you have lying around your house onto your person until your eyes water and you think you're going to pass out. But don't fret that woozy feeling you're having is only going to make the situation better in the long run and let's face it that shit wears off so by the time you actually get there you'll probably stink with fear sweat anyway, but at least you would have tried.

Now make your way to the store, there you will meet up with 3 guys who you will hire now (why are you still reading this you should be hiring!), they will homosexual prostitues but for the amount of money you are paying them I'm sure they'll do whatever you want. Oh, and I almost forgot make sure they're wearing something as classy as you are, if not, hot pants and vests will do fine. Just try to hide the track marks it doesn't make a good first impression.

Now you're probably going to have to wait around for a while for her to come on shift, so you and your new friends need to walk around the store looking for something to do and just because they're male whores doesnt mean you dont have to talk to them. Although as you are paying them who cares what you do with them. But the one thing you need to do is keep a lookout for her, she might be back in the same place as before but she might not, who knows with these supermarket people! But just make sure you're prepared and don't let the whores run off and start turning tricks in the bathrooms. Doing this by yourself or with only one or two people behind whilst the other ones are off somewhere sucking off the day manager really isnt going to bode well for you,

But when the time finally arrives and you see her and she's not as beautiful as you remembered but you'd still fuck her here's what you do. Gain her attention, whistle, yell, get someone to tap her on the shoulder and point her in your direction. Once she is looking your way, wave be polite and say hello and then leap into a 4 way vocal strip harmony of Frankie Valli's hit single Can't Take My Eyes Off You. You can dance if you want just dont start grinding on the other guys it wont look good. Let them do it to each other if you want it'll make you look slightly more butch. But rememvber when you get to the chorus you have to hit that high note, if not you're toast. Sorry.

Once the song is over and she looks into your eyes as you're half naked, dripping with sweat and about as out of breath as you've ever been, you'll know whether she liked you or not.


Come back tomorrow and tell us whether or not it worked out. :hatsoff:



But, if you get arrested for prostitution or public indecency then it's better you not tell us. People don't like to hear an unhappy ending.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzpWKAGvGdA&feature=related :nanner:

You know.........I never knew there was a difference between regular sweat and fear sweat until now.

 

[BlueBalls]

You know.........I never knew there was a difference between regular sweat and fear sweat until now.

You learn something new everyday

 

[lachemo]

too funny..........