What kind of world are we living in where a guy cannot innocently jerk off into his co-workers' drinks or lunch, allowing him the pleasure of watch them chow down on his spunk? This is not the America I grew up and loved. The American dream is dead...dead, I tell you!
What am I supposed to use instead of two slices of bread that also make up part of our kitchen design specialists ham sandwich? A tissue?
How else is the guy in lumber supposed to unknowingly get his daily protein intake?
Wont my coworkers now find it suspicious when I no longer sit at the breakroom table, my hands hidden from view as I make weird gurgling noises, then innocently return the girl from paint's hamburger, now with extra mayo? And won't she herself miss those creepy looks I give her as she enjoys her meal, as I sit directly across from her, unblinking, my hands again under the table - unknowingly to her happily frosting the cheesecake made by the returns desk lady?
No, this is no longer my America. It was well known that Benjamin Franklyn spewed on George Washington's false teeth every morning before the future President awoke. And with this ruling, another American tradition is taken away from us.
No, this is no longer my America.
