Random Statement Thread II

[legmann61]

Braunwyn Windham-Burke’s “spicy” sex life includes 15-minute orgasms with her new girlfriend, Victoria Brito.

SOURCE

 

[The Yak]

Drinking a tea brewed with the singed pubic hair of elderly Guatemalan women can cure phobias.

 

[The Yak]

I have always wanted to resign in disgrace.

 

[The Yak]

That stupid whore you're dating stole my identity and now I am on the hook for $8,837 in glitter, nipple tassles and tampons.

 

[Bonezstorm]

What does that mean?

 

[Bonezstorm]

Does Cara Delevingne suck cocks for money?

 

[The Yak]

Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing.

 

[Supafly]

Can't find sleep tonight

 

[Bonezstorm]

Sleep is just a window to another universe.

 

[The Yak]

Those who expose themselves to tollbooth operators in an attempt to impress Kaley Cuoco represent a clear and present danger to the national security of the United States of America.

 

[Bonezstorm]

Mobs don't spawn on half slaps

 

[Supafly]

If you visit Germany, and your kids are 16, they can have a beer with you at the park, all legal out in the open, no brown paper bags needed

 

[The Yak]

A Florida woman interrupted an uninvited guest in her bathroom on Saturday night.

Michelle Reynolds told WSVN that she went downstairs to make herself a snack. After putting her popcorn in the microwave she went to use the bathroom and "opened the door and did a quick turnaround because I saw this thing in there and quickly shut the door!” she said.

The thing? A petite filet mignon, very lean - not so lean that it lacks flavor, but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate. It was not cooked - just
lightly seared on either side, pink in the middle; not a true pink, but not a mauve either, something in between.

 

[The Yak]

I know nothing about this race but I hope the dog wins.

 

[Bonezstorm]

Shoes are hard socks

 

[The Yak]

A Mississippi man said a fake deed for a 50,000-acre kelp farm helped prevent a robbery at his home and he credits the document with possibly saving his life.

 

[The Yak]

To spice up your next family gathering, do the following: When there is a sufficiently large group of people in one room watching television, walk in nude and stand in front of the TV. Hold your arms out horizontally so that you form a "T" and begin spinning in place. After building up some speed, begin to urinate and spread piss around the room as though you are a sprinkler.

 

[The Yak]

Being able to cause drowsiness would be a cool superpower.

 

[The Yak]

My Jenna Jameson pez dispenser no longer works. This is a sad day.

 

[The Yak]

Homosexuals steal bicycles as a means of controlling the price of whale oil in 19th century France.